Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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