I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
