so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
