She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
