How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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