Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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