I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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