I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
