Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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