Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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