If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
