when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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