i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
