just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
