During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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