what if every blade of grass was a penis?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
