I cannot find my penis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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