This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will be naked everywhere
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am one with the molecules
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
