respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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