I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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