I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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