Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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