Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
