no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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