Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
