When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
