lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
