Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
