So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
