she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
