i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
