just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
