Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
