It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
