I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think im going to throw up on grandma
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
