She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
