so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
zippers are such a cool invention
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
