it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
