Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
