Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
