Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
