I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
