what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
