Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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