Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
