...so i touched it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
