Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
