she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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