I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize