I wanna passion pit in your ass
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
