im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry about my life...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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