Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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