if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
