yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
