I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
