Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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