If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
