It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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