I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
